when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
