Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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