you win again, gameday.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
