why im i the only drunk person in the library?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
