MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So much rum. So many feels.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
COCAINE IS GR8
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
