No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
