It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
