im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So much rum. So many feels.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
