Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
