I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
