i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you traded sex for a burrito?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
