I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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