Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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