Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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