not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
