No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
