great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
