Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
