You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
