My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You smell like stripper and shame
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
