Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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