Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
