I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
