I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
