My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
