if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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