i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
