Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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