Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
