Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
