I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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