My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.