I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips