It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
