what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
