I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
