You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
