my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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