that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
