I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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