You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
