ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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