Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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