dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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