I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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