i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
