Kiss
Puke
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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