I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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