my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
