I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize