it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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