His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
