Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
