remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
