think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
