Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
