I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
