Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
