you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
