I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
