yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
