i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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