The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
