Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
