Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is the high leading the old right now
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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