I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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